Guilt, shame, fear, depression, loneliness, communication challenges, sexual promiscuity: these are a few words that describe how you my be feeling or behaving if you have been sexually abused or raped. It is important that you understand why you are reacting or responding the way that you do. Your responses to this life-changing occurrence may differ from others who may have had the same thing happen to them. I encourage you to discuss this with a parent or a trusted adult and seek the help that you will need. Please realize that what has happened is not your fault. But, what you choose to do now is your decision.

Sexual abuse/rape has influenced every part of your life. We would like to address with you the issue of sexual promiscuity. Reports show that “sexual abuse survivors are more likely to participate in activities that increase risk for unintended pregnancy and infection with HIV and other STD’s.” (Debra Boyer and David Fine, “Sexual Abuse as a Factor in Adolescent Pregnancy and Child Maltreatment Family Planning Perspectives,” Vol. 24, No. 1, Jan 1992) If you find yourself exhibiting these behaviors, it could be for several different reasons:

1. Feelings of powerlessness
2. Damage of self esteem
3. Misconception of sex, affection and intimacy
4. Inability to say no
5. Belief that one’s only worth is sexual
6. Some intentionally get pregnant to escape abuse
7. Belief that if he/she "gives it up", he/she can’t be hurt

“Sexual abuse survivors often begin voluntary sexual relationships earlier and have sex more often.” (Denise Polit et al, “Child Sexual Abuse and Premarital Intercourse Among High-Risk Adolescents,” Journal of Adolescent Health Care, vol. 11, no. 3, May 1990.) This is attributed to the fact that when an individual is sexually abused or raped, his/her development is interrupted; this interruption many times pushes one ahead developmentally. Sex often becomes just another past-time activity, rather than its original intent. The purpose of sex has become perverted by the attacker/molester and the thought by the survivor is “sex was taken from me, so I may as well give it up; anything not to be hurt again.” Sexual abuse and rape are very demeaning and hurtful situations, both to the abused/assaulted and those in their lives. Many meaningful relationships are destroyed because the survivor cannot trust anyone any longer. Individuals’ motives are always questioned when they enter into the lives of those who were abused. Many times those who mean well are pushed away because they get a little too close to the wounds.

It is necessary for healing to take place. If you have a cut, the cut must be cleaned and ointment applied or it will become infected. When there is infection in a wound, it affects other areas of an individual’s body. Often, the infected part of the body after abuse/rape is the emotions. This may be exhibited as anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, shame, guilt, etc. Survivors know that there is pain and there is a need for treatment or medication to relieve the pain. For many, unfortunately, the treatment is sex. Sex now has become the ultimate pain reliever. There is no prescription required to receive this medication, it is free. However, the side effects of this medication could be a killer. What could possibly be the side effects of having sex? I’m glad that you asked. It could be pregnancy, depression or STD’s. Chances are that a survivor of sexual abuse or rape will not die from emotional pain, but rather from an overdose of the wrong medication… additional sexual activity.

Compared to those without a sexual abuse history, sexual abuse survivors were twice as likely to have multiple sex partners and reported a 40% increased rate of having sex with a stranger. (Sally Zierler et al, “Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse and Subsequent Risk of HIV Infection,” American Journal of Public Health, Vol. 81, No. 5, May 1991.) 1 + 1 = 25 doesn’t make sense, does it? Well, this math problem is your reality if you are having sex outside of marriage. You having sex with just one partner means you may catch any of the 25 major STD’s that exist. Although you may have been a “victim” of sexual abuse or rape, doesn’t mean that you have to remain a “victim.” This is why you are referred to in this information as a “survivor.” You have survived something that was meant to destroy your life. Just this fact alone shows your strength, courage and ability to handle hardships that may arise. It’s not easy, actually sometimes extremely rough, but please understand that you are not powerless. You have the power to make healthy decisions and choices concerning your life. Use the abuse or rape that was meant to weaken you for your strength; strength to help others, to encourage yourself and to take back your dignity, respect and self esteem.

Again, I strongly encourage you to speak with a parent or trusted adult to seek the help that you may need.