Ask The Sexperts

Oral Sex

Q. Is oral sex really sex?

A. Yes!  Oral sex is involving one or more sexual organs and your mouth.  Your mouth consists of the same mucus membrane material as your sexual organs.  This means that your mouth can breed a sexually transmitted disease as easily as your sexual organs can.

Relationships

Q. My really good friend finally told me that she has been going to parties since 6th grade. She said that she has already got drunk many times, smoked, and had sex. Her parents already knew that she smoked and did nothing about it.


A. I am sorry your friend is making the choices that she is making. She is going to have a rough life if she keeps them up. You are a good friend for being so concerned. At this point there is not much you can do. You can be there in the times that she needs a friend, there will probably be many. When she comes to you can point out, in love, that her troubles are a direct result of her choices. It sounds though like she is not capable of being a good friend to you right now. I wouldn't take it personally though it probably does hurt your feelings. The nature of your friend's choices, can blind her from seeing how to be a true friend to her true friends. 

Q. Peer pressure from friends to have sex.

A. You don’t want to mess up now just because of a little negative peer pressure. Is their pressure or the title of being “experienced” worth you risking contracting an STD, worrying about an unplanned pregnancy or regretting the loss of a special part of you that you can never get back? If risking all of that is only going to get you a few minutes of pleasure, it’s not worth the experience. Check this out: 

More and more kids are starting to get it! 
In 1993, 47% of teens surveyed have not had sex
In 1995, 52% of teens have not had sex
In 2001, it was up to 54% of teens have not had sex 
In a TIME/MTV survey conducted online on Sept. 10-12, 2002, 56% of teens say that they want to abstain until they are married. Of those that have had sex, 55% of teen boys and 72% of teen girls said they wish they had waited longer to have sex. 

See, at the same time you’re upset because you think you’re the only virgin left on earth, 63% of teens who have had sex are wishing they still had their virginity. Keep your head up! You’re on the right track. The problem is not that you’re a virgin. The problem is all of the stress that your “friends” are giving you for doing what you know is right. If you’re going to lose anything…get rid of some of those negative influences - not your virginity. 

Q. I think I want a baby now.

A. The best thing for you to do at this stage in your life is to be concerned about getting yourself together; stuff like getting good grades, looking into colleges, getting involved in extracurricular activities, building your character…things that are going to help make you a well-rounded, mature individual. Those things are enough to keep you busy. Don’t let yourself get so emotionally caught up with someone that you loose focus on what is most important right now. The time for getting married, having a family and settling down will all come soon enough; but hopefully not until you have matured, prepared (financially, emotionally, etc.) and know enough about who you really are as a person. To be honest with you, not too many kids even just out of college have it together like that. 

It’s a good thing to want to get married and dream about having a family one day. The best thing for you now is to prepare yourself so that when the time comes, you will be ready and able to not just get married, but stay married. It is easy to become emotionally involved with someone and emotions have a tendency to dull the senses and cloud judgment. Someone a great deal smarter than me once said, “It is a foolish person that starts to build a house without first counting the cost.” Your personalized translation…Save sex for marriage…and save marriage for when you're confident that you are ready and able to follow through to make it a good one.

Sexual Activity

Q. My really good friend finally told me that she has been going to parties since 6th grade. She said that she has already got drunk many times, smoked, and had sex. Her parents already knew that she smoked and did nothing about it.

A. I am sorry your friend is making the choices that she is making. She is going to have a rough life if she keeps them up. You are a good friend for being so concerned. At this point there is not much you can do. You can be there in the times that she needs a friend, there will probably be many. When she comes to you can point out, in love, that her troubles are a direct result of her choices. It sounds though like she is not capable of being a good friend to you right now. I wouldn't take it personally though it probably does hurt your feelings. The nature of your friend's choices, can blind her from seeing how to be a true friend to her true friends. 

Q. I think I have an STD.

A. This can be a difficult situation to go through on your own. You really should consider talking to your parents. They may be upset at first, but when it comes down to it, they are usually the ones who stick by you when no one else will. No one can be sure you have a sexually transmitted disease until you receive a medical diagnosis. I am sorry to say that there are no home remedies for STDs. If you fail to get treated and it is an STD, infertility, damage to your reproductive system or other health-related issues are possibilities.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD)


Q. I have HPV, its the one that you can't see but it came back on the pap smear as abnormal cell growth or something like that. And my doctor said to keep eating lots of meats to keep my immune system up and working. I was just wondering if maybe if i eat he


A. It is possible for your body to fight off HPV. I don't know which strain you have so it is impossible for me to tell you how likely it is that you will be able to fight it off. A few strains are very aggressive others are gone easily with a healthy immune system. Your doctor cannot tell which strain you have through a simple pap test (pap smear). Testing to know which strain you have is expensive. The best things you can do right now are to eat healthy, exercise, and abstain from sexual activity. The first 2 make a lot of sense probably, the abstinence may not. I advise you strongly to abstain because your body is already working very hard to build an immunity to HPV, if you would catch another STD, even a curable one, that could damage your immune system’s ability to focus on fighting off the HPV.

Q. If you have sex with a guy and its his first time and your first having sex too, can you get a sexually transmitted disease?

A. Abstinence until marriage is the HEALTHIEST choice because if neither person has ever had any sexual contact of any kind, then neither one can get an STD. Today 1 out of 4 people over the age of 12 have an STD. It's important to understand what sexual contact is because sexually transmitted diseases can be passed several different ways. One way is through normal vaginal intercourse. They can also be passed through oral or anal sex. One way you may not know of is that they can be passed through prolonged contact with infected body parts, such as rubbing, rolling around naked together, grinding, or even making out with someone who has an STD in their mouth! If either of you has had other sexual contact, there is a chance that one of you may be infected. 85% of girls infected and 40% of guys infected with an STD show no signs that they are infected. Waiting until marriage is the safest, healthiest choice.

 

DID YOU KNOW...
In the U.S., teens spend an average of six to seven hours each day with some form of media.